Perspective

The wait to bring our daughter home has been longer than we originally expected. About six to eight months longer - 50% more time than we thought we'd have to wait.

I could choose to complain about how unfair it is that we have to wait so long for our daughter, when most people we know get their child about nine months after they decide they want one. Instead, I choose to contemplate how unfair it is that her first parents had to make the terrible decision to abandon her. To this unknown Chinese mother and father, we will owe a debt unpayable. We have to wait six to eight months longer than expected to meet our daughter. They have to spend the rest of their lives not knowing what happened to their daughter.

I could choose to whine incessantly about how loooong it's taking, how I didn't plan it this way, and stomp my feet loudly in protest. Instead, I choose to practice the patience that will be required of me when we have a new baby in our family.

I could choose to stock up on dozens upon dozens of expensive baby girl outfits, while I grouse that I don't know how big she will be and what season she will be which size. Instead, I choose to be grateful for the dozens and dozens of graciously given hand-me-downs from wonderful friends, as well as other gifts and one-of-a-kind items made expressly for our daughter.

I could choose to avoid pregnant friends and those with babies, as I grumble bitterly that everyone gets their turn before me. Instead I choose to support them in any way I can and celebrate their new additions, and share in their joy. I know they will do the same for me.

I could choose to gripe that it will still be one to two months more months until we get her picture, and then have to wait four to nine weeks beyond that before we travel to China to meet her, in agreement with some of the people that express this sentiment when I tell them our current time expectations. Instead, I choose to rejoice that it's only one to two more months! We have waited FIVE YEARS for our second child. One to two more months before we see her face is peanuts.

I could choose to focus on all the potential negative things about the adoption. The list is long, if you start to make it. Instead I choose to focus on the word "potential", and to see these things as challenges that we will face head-on as they come our way - but not before. Preparation is good, obsession is not.

I could choose to be dragged into a pit of resentment by those clamoring to pull me down there with them, or by those eager to push me over the edge so there is more room for themselves on the surface. I choose to believe there is enough light for everyone. I will do what I can to help those struggling to find their way out of the dark.


The Momma


P.S. I did not write this to paint myself as a saint. I wrote it as much for my own affirmation as I did to explain my attitude to others. It often is not my instinct to make the latter choice in these situations. It is frequently a conscious and forced effort to choose the positive over the negative. I sometimes have to fight my way through a throng of negative energy to find my way out. Most importantly, I know that when my own strength is not sufficient, I do not have to struggle alone and helpless.

P.P.S. I had to use the thesaurus a lot for this post.