The Benefits of an Only Child

Last night, Trevor fell asleep in his twin bed with his Daddy lying on one side of him, me on the other, and his cat sitting on his tummy purring. What bliss and comfort and security to be a 6-year-old and have everything in the house revolve around you. As our days as a one-child family draw to a close, I ponder all of the pleasures of having an only child.

We didn't intend to have an only child for so long. Heck, we were planning to have another one before Trevor was out of diapers. But it did not happen. The longer the waiting went on, the more astounding the realization of how lucky we were to have Trevor became. In some ways, we became more appreciative, more adoring, more focused parents to Trevor. We were able to crank out this one incredible kid before one or the other of our reproductive systems went to heck in a handbasket. (Too much information, perhaps, but let's don't pretend you're not wondering... we never had a definitive diagnosis of why we could not get pregnant again. A touch of this, a dab of that, these numbers are odd, this sonogram is peculiar, but no One Big Reason it did not happen).

But here we are, with a 6-year, 5-month, 15-day old boy as our only child.

There are no distractions. On Trevor's first day of kindergarten, we came near to hiring a marching band to lead us down the sidewalk to school. (We were instead accompanied by our good friends and neighbors, one of whom has left this earth since then. That first walk to school will always be a precious memory of Kevin for us). His T-ball and soccer and swimming lesson schedules rule our schedule. Don't have to work around anyone else's naps, lessons, playdates, birthday parties, or other activities. It's all about Trevor.

Whatever age Trevor has been at has been the age our activities are focused on. Never a bored older child or not-quite-old-enough younger child to tote around. Never a squirmy toddler at a concert or a whiny teenager at Chuck E. Cheese. We can go see movies that are appropriate for Trevor without scaring the little one or boring the older one.

We are the chosen playmates! You should see Trevor and his daddy play Jedi knights together, running around the house doing "Jedi moves" and saying Jedi-like things that make no sense to me. It makes my heart sing! We play board games and card games with him. We throw the baseball or kick the soccer ball around. We ride bikes with him. We play with the glue stick, glitter, elbow macaroni, and black beans on construction paper with him. (Haha! We don't actually do that last one. Anyone will tell you I'm not the artsy-crafty mom. However, Trevor and I have had a good time working our way through the "Fun with quadratic equations" workbook.) We hear the goofy 6-year-old jokes.

When we get together with the grandparents (either set, he's a lucky boy to have all four), it's all about seeing Trevor - no cute baby to ooh and aah over. No older kid to go out on the back forty and shoot snakes with (inside joke). Paul and I have long understood that we have been demoted to second-best when it comes to the grandparents - it's ALL about Trevor. Our bright and shining star. Our smart, beautiful, sweet boy. Not so much the fruit of our loins (I know that word makes my mother squirm, sorry Mom), but the fruit of our undivided attention. Our focus. Our entire world.

Poor Trevor. He is excited about his baby sister. He talks about her quite a bit! But he has no idea what this little creature is going to do to his life. Oh, it will enrich his life, I am sure. He will not have less love from us, as the parents of more than one child tell me that the love is multiplied, not divided. But, the number of minutes in a day will not be multiplied. The money will most certainly not be multiplied. And personally I am a littled worried that my patience will not be multiplied. We shall see.

Perhaps this is a good thing for Trevor. No one wants a spoiled child, right? "Onlies" are a spoiled lot, think the world revolves around them, don't know how to share, negotiate, etc., right? That's what They say. I personally don't buy into that theory about Onlies. But, in any event, Trevor soon will not be an Only.

I am so happy to have had these 6+ years to pour all my motherly focus into my one darling son. I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. But now it is time to move on to the next phase of our family, the next phase of our lives.

We are ready.