Premeditated Resentments

I am feeling cranky this morning. This may not come as a surprise to some of you, especially if you are privy to my seething glares at 5:09 a.m. So bear with me as I write this cranky post. I first want you to give it up for my friend Casey, who quoted to me a lovely new saying:

Expectations are nothing but premeditated resentments.

Brilliant. Thank you Casey. I will find many uses for that saying.

The recent experience of a friend has inspired me to write the following post.

The day will come soon (so they say) that Paul and I will finally get our first look at our long-awaited second child. We will lay our eyes on her picture, a face we have been looking for for nearly 5 years. We are very excited about this - it will be one of the most incredible days of our lives. Paul and I have edumacated (<--- one of my fave faux words) ourselves on what to expect with these little ones from China. As with every human being, they are not perfect. They have kinks in their system, just like the rest of us. And unlike most of us and our children, who have known nothing but the adoring love and attention of our parents since the day we first saw light, they have not had this, and this is not without effect. We are prepared for some of the kinks that "post-institutionalized" children may exhibit. Nevertheless, she is OUR daughter, and in our eyes, she will be perfection.

SO.

When we first share with you her picture, her birthdate, and other information we wish to share, please share our joy. I know you all intend to do this. No one would dream of doing anything different! But sometimes we say things that we don't think is anything but a passing thought, and unintentionally profoundly affect the person we said it to. I am guilty of this. I can wince even now knowing some of the things I've said that just didn't come out right. Even to some of you reading this now. (sorry)

So, some guidelines:

• Don't say, "Isn't she older than you expected her to be?" Say, "She's brilliant! She's perfect! She's beautiful! You got the best baby in all of China!"
• Don't say, "Her ears are kind of low on her head. Could she be mentally retarded?" Say, "She's brilliant! She's perfect! She's beautiful! You got the best baby in all of China!"
• Don't say, "I didn't know her skin would be so dark." Say, "She's brilliant! She's perfect! She's beautiful! You got the best baby in all of China!"
• Don't say, "What's that funny rash? Isn't she too small? Does the fact that she's had a lot of colds frighten you? She isn't sitting yet - isn't that abnormal? Are you going to give her back? Say, "She's brilliant! She's perfect! She's beautiful! You got the best baby in all of China!"
• Don't say, "A boy?!? I thought you were getting a girl! Are you dissappointed?" Say, "He's brilliant! He's perfect! He's handsome! You got the best baby in all of China!"

To recap, I don't care if the picture we show you has a green-skinned 4-foot baby with 3 eyes and a Brillo Pad stapled to her forehead, we want to hear, "She's brilliant! She's perfect! She's beautiful! You got the best baby in all of China!"

I promise my next post won't be so cranky.